I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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