oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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