I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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