I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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