chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
