i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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