Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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