I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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