i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
why do cheetos always look like penises
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
