Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Randomize
