my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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