Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
