Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil