I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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