He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners