you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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