Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
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when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
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I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call