Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You are the jesus of drinking
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
