A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
