Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
