I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
