I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
