none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
