How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
