Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
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