YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
