It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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