hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
