His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
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Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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