Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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