you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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