as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
