saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
