I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
