Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize