Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
