She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
