Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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