You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
