I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
