Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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