pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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