my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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