i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
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I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
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you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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