am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
