Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
