Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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