Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
