So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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