Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
