Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
