Your dad touched me again.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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