I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
