I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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