I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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