I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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