Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
