i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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