I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
