The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
