He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My dick has a subreddit
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
