sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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