It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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