New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
