I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
