watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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