Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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