I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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