I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize