Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
well you can't waste a boner
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
