Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
