After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
