In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just found puke in my bra..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
