I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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