Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
