what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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