I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
