Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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