No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
