i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
