What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
