I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
