the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Found your dick twin last night
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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