He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
