im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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