So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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