Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
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