Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
