i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
